Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Airing of Grievances


Today, in an early version of the great Festivus tradition, I am airing my grievances.  Here are the five things that drive me CRAZY about the holiday season. *Shakes Fist*

1. People who drive, shop, and park as if they have nothing better to do all day long. You know this person. They drive ten miles under the speed limit, sometimes because they haven't driven in a really long time, but usually because they are trying to smoke, eat, talk on the phone, or wrap a present in their lap while they drive.  These are also the same people who walk slowly around the mall, shoulder to shoulder with their four friends, so that you have no hope of getting around them. Or they stand at the counter of your favorite store, ignorant of the lengthy queue of people behind them, digging in their insanely large purse for a mysteriously missing coupon while you wait, and wait, and wait. You also find them in the parking lot.  They are the ones sitting in their car drinking coffee while you wait with your blinker on for their spot.

2. Coupons. Not the coupon itself but the crazy restrictions and sheer quantity. We have a stack of cardboard squares that say things like this: save $10 (big print) if you spend $75 (really small print) between Monday and Wednesday. You would have to be a full time coupon analyzer to take advantage of these things. Is there an iPhone app that takes pictures of your coupons and sorts them for you, automatically deleting the expired ones?  Let me know if there is.  I'm on board with that.

3. Planned Obsolescence. I hate it when you buy a gift for some one and something better comes out in January. When it comes to clothes, have you noticed that the sale merchandise is sometimes a lesser quality than the post holiday merchandise?  But my real grievance is with electronics.  My GPS recently informed me that I could either pay a certain sum to download new maps or buy a new GPS for close to the same amount.  Really?  When I buy a pricy electronic item, I don't want to think of it as disposable.  I want the functionality to last.

4. The Holiday Robot: He or she already has all of her Christmas cards done, presents purchased and wrapped, party planned, cookies baked and can actually enjoy the season with a cheery smile. I will be her next year. *Writes self a note on tiny post-it.*

5. Cold Weather/ Hot Stores:  You get bundled up because it's 20 degrees outside.  But then you get to the store and they have the heat turned up to 75.  So you take off your marshmallow down jacket, and so do your kids, and before you know it you look like a human coat rack, hopelessly juggling your packages with bulky winter wear.

Ahhhhh. I feel so much better.  How about you?  Any grievances to air?


8 comments:

  1. Accomplished professionals who regard their status as an open license to be snarky asshats. Drives me crazy.

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  2. Oooh, Tony, did something happen to you? Who would be snarky to you?

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  3. I typically drive ten miles under the speed limit if I see residential homes in the area. Worst thing I could do is hit a kid who runs into the road.

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  4. John, If you are not smoking, talking on the phone, wrapping, or holding up city traffic, you do not apply. :)

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  5. I know two people that had all of their Christmas gifts bought AND wrapped before December 1st.

    Ugh. I don't think I'll ever get my act together.

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  6. Yes, yes and yes to all of those. Especially the marshmallow coat thing.
    I actually think I am beginning to hate Christmas shopping. I hate busy stores, busy parking lots and busy people who crash into you. I hate spending money, mostly because I ain't got none. Mostly though i hate how Christmas sneaks up on you. It seems like you have all the time in the world and then, BAM, it's December and the rest of the month is a sprint to a sugar-encrusted finish.
    I feel better now, too. Thanks GP!

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  7. Great list! I have lots of grievances to air, but the probably won't all fit here. LOL

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